JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Stardust Crusaders 45 – What in ZA WARUDO is going on?

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The best part in the entire episode was DIO casually strolling through the streets of Egypt and nobody gives a fuck about it. I don’t know what Egyptians talk about that is so much more interesting than a seven foot tall blonde vampire wearing a cape and a belt with a heart-shaped buckle and kneepads.

And so, we finally reach DIO’s World, the most iconic fight in the series. Despite it initially being a mystery what is The World’s power, we all probably know what it does unless you’ve been living under a rock since 1999. And if you don’t know, don’t worry, I won’t say what it is until the show says what it is. That said, DIO’s power is definitely less esoteric than that of Kars or the final boss Stands in later parts.

vlcsnap-2015-06-03-20h52m44s775The second best part is DIO’s overall smugness throught the whole damn thing. Instead of just, you know, killing Jotaro and company using whatever his Stand does, he prefers to just fuck around with silly mind games. Instead of killing Polnareff right there, he prefers to fuck with his confidence with “oh you want to join me again? No? Well YES YOU WANT TO”.

vlcsnap-2015-06-04-09h39m20s252This is when I realized that this is the point in the very final part of any given JoJo part where it gets on the crazy train, brakes sold separately. Why did Jotaro break through the wall to get to Polnareff? That’s the most impractical way I can think of to get around a house short of FTL travel. Simple: because it’s fucking awesome. There’s a bit of practicality by letting in some sunlight but come on. Think of the contractor costs!

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You thought it was DIO, but it was me, Nukesaku!

Okay, scratch that, the best part of the episode is when after kindly lifting Nukesaku to DIO’s quarters, Nukesaku goes to open DIO’s casket, only to find that he is the one inside. This makes me think that after Araki came up with DIO’s power in a rare moment of lucidity, he proceeded to go down crazy road again and come up with a bunch of bizarre situations in which DIO dicks around.

And let’s be honest, if any of us gained a Stand, we’d just mess around randomly fucking with people in smug self-satisfaction at the suffering of random strangers. I’d definitely use Star Platinum for really dumb shit like being the best baseball player in the universe or kneading pizza dough really fast. Think of the potential!

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This episode is just awesome moment after awesome moment for DIO. Joseph is running away in a car? Hijack a senator’s car and fuck with his mind until he complies. Traffic jam? Well, make the senator drive through the sidewalk. Attacked by Emerald Splash? Well, catch the emeralds in mid-air just to fuck with Kakyoin. Still can’t catch up to Joseph? Throw the senator into the car to make them crash.

DIO is fucking awesome.

Kakyoin, however, is unimpressed.

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Is Kakyoin a bad enough dude to defeat DIO? Tune in next week or, er, tomorrow to find out!

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